So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
