I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
