the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
