I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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