Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
