Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
