I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
