First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
