He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
