The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
