You can't motorboat a personality
if only i could text you this smell
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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