is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
