So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
