i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
