I look better un-naked...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
