The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
