my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
