The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
