In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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