you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
