Who did Billy Mays play for?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
