We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
