Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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