You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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