It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
