I'm lost and stupid without you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
