Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
