guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
