I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
