i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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