You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
