Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this will be a night to untag.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
