planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
