found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
