you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
