Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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