I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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