dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
