Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
