9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
