I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
