Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
