i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
