i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
