I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
