and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
