Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
