.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
