The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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