Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wish there were birth control emojis
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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