Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
