Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
