I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
