So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
