i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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