no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
