You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
