I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
