Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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