I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
