Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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