Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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