the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
