I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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