Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
