Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
