best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
