Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
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