i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
