how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
