You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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