I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize