you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
