I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
