According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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