This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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