living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize