Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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