dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize