Will you blow on my dice?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
