Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
