STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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