i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
