i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
