half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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