Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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