If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
