Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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