we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
