I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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