last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
