The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
