but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
