Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
