i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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