The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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